Another day goes by...

The last entry into the blog was on a "bad" day.  Yesterday I was doing better, and today I'm doing better still.  However, I haven't managed to get things done that I need to; I got started on my room.  I swept out everything from under my bed, and now the room looks like a hoarder house--oops!  I need to get this crap cleaned up!  Thankfully, other than a sink full of dishes, the rest of the house isn't that bad.  Pfew! Thank goodness for Thanksgiving house cleaning :)

I had a realization recently about myself, and that is that I'm apathetic.  I do realize that it started out as a defense mechanism against drama and other things in my life.  I talked to my mom on the phone today, and she said, "yeah, I know that.  It's because of your depression."  D'oh! Why didn't she say something?  I suppose she did, in her round-about way.  But I was thinking that maybe the apathy and the depression were different.  I can somehow overcome apathy, I think.  If I think about it enough, and try hard to care about things.  But the depression is just something I have to fight against, so it doesn't "catch hold"  of me.  So now I have more pondering to do.

I thought maybe this would be something fun and funny that friends and family could read every now and then when they're bored, but now I think that it will just bore them. Sigh.  I'm going to keep it up, though, and try to write every day.  Because this is the practice I need for my writing.  I think if I start with gaining the habit of writing it will eventually lead to my fiction writing.  I hope.  I feel like I have a good book or two inside me, I just can't stick with it long enough to get it out.  I'm mildly jealous of other authors that do finish books.  I say mildly, because its too abstract to be real jealousy, and I don't begrudge them their finished books, I just want my own.  I also know that they aren't preventing me in any way from finishing, that its all me.  So I'm more jealous of their personal fortitude, lol.  Oh, expect to see lots of "lol"s in my writing; I can't help it.  I've gotten so used to writing that to express that something is funny that I can't find another way to express it.  I also like smileys :)

I have to stop writing for now, to go check on dinner.  I really feel like I could write more, like if I keep writing today something interesting my flow from my fingertips.  Or not. Whichever.

Btw, that's my idea of the perfect tree!